Recently I have asked a few people for some assistance, people that I have helped in the past and they have lavished the praise for the help I have given them. So I asked with the idea they would be more than willing to do the same. The favor I asked I thought wasn't real big or even time consuming. The responses I have received have made me scratch my head. One person gave me the help I requested but seasoned it with an undercurrent of criticism about how I hadn't helped everything in their life. Another offered the help but with some caveats about the help that they would provide. After the second response my mind became very angry and hurt. I happened to read the last response right before my daughter takes a nap. (And I usually take one too.) I laid down and acknowledged that my mind was really trying to get me to go down a road I felt wasn't healthy for me. When I awoke my mind started in again, analyzing it, tacking on meanings to what had been said, creating this negative internal dialogue. And then it dawned on me. My rear view mirror was facing the wrong way. It was facing me and not out. Still doesn't make sense?
There was a day that I was driving, with a friend, and we were sitting in traffic. Next to us was this guy looking in his rear view mirror, talking to himself. By his behavior you could tell he was really critiquing himself. Actually, he had these really really big lips and I think he was criticizing his lips. My friend, who is a counselor also, said boy I hope someday he learns to love himself and his lips. I said, I don't I hope he stops looking in that mirror and starts looking out there, at the traffic!
Yes, very recently I found myself looking in that mirror and criticizing myself. Once the mirror was adjusted I can see what's going on for others. When that rear view mirror gets adjusted correctly life is so much easier. That negative internal dialog goes away, fast. The negative emotions dissolve and life problems seem so simple. We don't call it Rapid Resolution Therapy for nothing...
Be well, Be happy-Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, CPC
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