Resolution

So you don't think you can just put aside your differences with someone this year? I suggest getting started with the resolution BEFORE the holidays. Now this suggestion only fits if it's something that you think is possible to resolve before. If not, if it's too big, maybe after is better.
First know exactly what the problem is. Inside and out. Within yourself and the other person. What is it that they do that drives you nuts? How does it effect you? How does it make you feel? Write this down. Second what exactly do you want your relationship with this person to be like? Details, details, details. If you don't know what you want, what don't you want? List it out, on paper, not in your head. Then look at what the opposite is of what you don't want. Is that what you want? Is that possible? Is there a gray area that would be acceptable? Again write it down. Third use "I" statements. Remove the blame statements that create defensiveness and difficulty hearing and understanding from the person your trying to resolve this with. For example "I feel....when you.... I would feel better if you....instead. I want to have a ..... type of relationship with you. I think we need to resolve ...... in order to create that kind of relationship. Make sense? You might even try writing a letter to them, maybe both all the junk you'd like to say and a letter with all the stuff that is more appropriate and more likely to end this issue. Use that to try to create an open communication with them. Give them a call, ask for sometime to talk before the holiday. See how it goes. Hope for the best, plan for the worst, and try to be happy with what you get. You might be amazed at how things work out! Good luck!

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